Riglarpnak is a god.

He takes the form of a two thousand metre long, moody gorilla.

Riglarpnak created the planet Earth eight million years ago.

If you believe in Riglarpnak, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Riglarpnak, he will turn you into a sheep.

Riglarpnak's most sacred site is Mmankgodi in Botswana.

Riglarpnak's Holy Commandments

1. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

2. Do not shave your hands.

3. Never hurt ducks.

4. Never talk about turtles.

5. Feed all hungry aardvarks.