Japbitdum is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, resourceful frog.

Japbitdum created a strange quark eight million years ago.

If you believe in Japbitdum, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Japbitdum, she will turn you into a tree.

Japbitdum's most sacred site is Gomba in Hungary.

Japbitdum's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat spinach.

2. Put Japbitdum first in all things.

3. Never wear cyan shorts.

4. Never talk about quantum gravity near foxes while wearing magenta trousers and balancing five iron spheres on your feet.

5. Always help sick whales.