Kimmif is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, fussy zebra.

Kimmif created matter five million years ago.

If you believe in Kimmif, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Kimmif, he will destroy your favourite star.

Kimmif's most sacred site is Issigeac in France.

Kimmif's Holy Commandments

1. Ducks are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Always help shrews.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Never eat bark.