Nurlnanbast is a god.

She takes the form of a six hundred metre long, able jaguar.

Nurlnanbast created a quark five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Nurlnanbast, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Nurlnanbast, she will turn you into a mouse.

Nurlnanbast's most sacred site is Saint-Sauvan in France.

Nurlnanbast's Holy Commandments

1. Learn eight new languages a year .

2. Great tits are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Erect a giant cyan sculpture of Nurlnanbast in the centre of the settlement.

5. Hide from fawn pigs for they are unholy.