Nilzagfed is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, self-assured coyote.

Nilzagfed created the planet Mars three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Nilzagfed, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Nilzagfed, she will turn you into a plant.

Nilzagfed's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Nilzagfed's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention ants.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Always help otters in need.

5. Hide if nine moths approach from the north.