Gabnilltig Tapkarnig is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely large, happy chinchilla.

Gabnilltig Tapkarnig created a top quark two billion years ago.

If you believe in Gabnilltig Tapkarnig, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Gabnilltig Tapkarnig, she will not invite you to parties.

Gabnilltig Tapkarnig's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Gabnilltig Tapkarnig's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Run away if four swans approach from the east.

3. Never think about cell theory.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never write about dark energy.