Mettamflatged is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, boastful zebra.

Mettamflatged created the cosmos six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Mettamflatged, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Mettamflatged, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Mettamflatged's most sacred site is Estedt in Germany.

Mettamflatged's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat wheat.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Mettamflatged loves mice, so they must be honoured.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Do not drink alcohol.