Jonlarnbab is a god.

She takes the form of a blubbery, selfish crow.

Jonlarnbab created bats four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jonlarnbab, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Jonlarnbab, she will turn you into a hamster.

Jonlarnbab's most sacred site is Nanjie in China.

Jonlarnbab's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no voles in a room before entering it.

2. Never talk about quantum field theory.

3. Never go into pink rooms.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Never hurt seals.