Vilhitsandkem is a god.

It takes the form of a rotund, deceitful dugong.

Vilhitsandkem created the cosmos three million years ago.

If you believe in Vilhitsandkem, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Vilhitsandkem, it will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Vilhitsandkem's most sacred site is Polydrosos in Greece.

Vilhitsandkem's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about electromagnetism.

2. Never feed lemons to turtles while wearing green skirts.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Always wear gray.