Vonkmumfon is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, grumpy fly.

Vonkmumfon created an up quark two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Vonkmumfon, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Vonkmumfon, it will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Vonkmumfon's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Vonkmumfon's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant carbon sculpture of Vonkmumfon in the centre of the settlement.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Do not commit murder.

4. Do not wear aluminium on your body.

5. Draw representations of asteroids on the walls of your dwelling space.