Arphabsas is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, contented penguin.

Arphabsas created Mount Everest two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Arphabsas, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Arphabsas, she will boil you in a big pot.

Arphabsas' most sacred site is Omaweneno in Botswana.

Arphabsas' Holy Commandments

1. Never eat onions.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. Pray towards the north.