Pidjaphug is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, duplicitous aardvark.

Pidjaphug created the planet Saturn nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Pidjaphug, he will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Pidjaphug, he will turn you into a slug.

Pidjaphug's most sacred site is Iskmo in Finland.

Pidjaphug's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Pidjaphug.

2. Never hurt doves.

3. Do not trade with those who eat cucumbers.

4. Run away from fawn pigs, for they are unholy.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.