Tarartquim is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, unthinking gnu.

Tarartquim created Europe two million years ago.

If you believe in Tarartquim, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Tarartquim, he will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Tarartquim's most sacred site is Aguaruto in Mexico.

Tarartquim's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Tarartquim.

4. Worship no other gods but Tarartquim.

5. Pray towards the south.