Dutwitkim is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, contented goose.

Dutwitkim created Mount Everest nine million years ago.

If you believe in Dutwitkim, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Dutwitkim, she will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Dutwitkim's most sacred site is Glastonbury Tor in England.

Dutwitkim's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lots of lentils to sharks while wearing violet rings.

2. Always help snakes.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

5. Run away from green turtles, for they are unholy.