Gessxuckzan is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, omnipotent naga.

Gessxuckzan created an atom five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gessxuckzan, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Gessxuckzan, he will attempt to scare you with lightening.

Gessxuckzan's most sacred site is Bokaa in Botswana.

Gessxuckzan's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Do not take Gessxuckzan's name in vain.

3. Do not keep six cats in a large pit.

4. Learn three new languages a year .

5. Pray towards the south.