Quimteenfat Gonarfkam Garyokjad is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, grumpy donkey.

Quimteenfat Gonarfkam Garyokjad created oxygen seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Quimteenfat Gonarfkam Garyokjad, she will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Quimteenfat Gonarfkam Garyokjad, she will try to impress you with trees.

Quimteenfat Gonarfkam Garyokjad's most sacred site is Glastonbury Tor in England.

Quimteenfat Gonarfkam Garyokjad's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large platinum sculpture of Quimteenfat Gonarfkam Garyokjad on top of all buildings.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Always make sure there are no squirrels in a room before entering it.

5. You must pray to Quimteenfat Gonarfkam Garyokjad eight times a day.