Fattamvon is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, generous cobra.

Fattamvon created Asia two billion years ago.

If you believe in Fattamvon, it will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Fattamvon, it will turn you into a snail.

Fattamvon's most sacred site is Ulsted in Denmark.

Fattamvon's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Fattamvon loves tapirs, so they must be honoured.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Never talk about spacetime near pigs while wearing white coats and balancing five zinc spheres on your arms.