Cinquatham is a god.

She takes the form of an one thousand metre long, all-knowing bat.

Cinquatham created the planet Jupiter five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Cinquatham, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Cinquatham, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Cinquatham's most sacred site is Ulsted in Denmark.

Cinquatham's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear pink skirts.

2. Always help seals.

3. Never laugh in holy places.

4. Always help whales in need.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.