Zedgofcen is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, two-faced mongoose.

Zedgofcen created the Sombrero Galaxy six million years ago.

If you believe in Zedgofcen, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Zedgofcen, he will turn you into a worm.

Zedgofcen's most sacred site is Hetta in Finland.

Zedgofcen's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about gravity near moths while wearing purple boots and balancing seven silver spheres on your back.

2. Worship no other gods but Zedgofcen.

3. Never write about ultrasonics.

4. Always look after injured bats.

5. You must pray to Zedgofcen six times a day.