Ortteenloop is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, fussy shrew.

Ortteenloop created humankind seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Ortteenloop, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Ortteenloop, it will come to you in dreams.

Ortteenloop's most sacred site is Glastonbury Tor in England.

Ortteenloop's Holy Commandments

1. Always help ducks in need.

2. Do not dye your hair mauve.

3. Walk at least five thousand metres per day.

4. Do not shave your face.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.