Funpangnabnan is a god.

He takes the form of a three thousand metre long, selfish goblin.

Funpangnabnan created the cosmos seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Funpangnabnan, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Funpangnabnan, he will turn you into a tree.

Funpangnabnan's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Funpangnabnan's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about eukaryotes.

2. Always obey Funpangnabnan's priests.

3. Never feed lots of strawberries to tapirs while wearing black dresses.

4. Do not shave your legs.

5. You must love Funpangnabnan.