Donmetkop is a god.

It takes the form of a very heavy, proud monkey.

Donmetkop created gold five million years ago.

If you believe in Donmetkop, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Donmetkop, it will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Donmetkop's most sacred site is Romlund in Denmark.

Donmetkop's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Never sing near aardvarks.

3. Do not speak about figs.

4. Never feed carrots to porpoises while wearing gray hats.

5. Respect your elders.