Vollaksom Lipkarhunsanbeg is a god.

She takes the form of a four hundred metre long, humorless centipede.

Vollaksom Lipkarhunsanbeg created Africa two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Vollaksom Lipkarhunsanbeg, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Vollaksom Lipkarhunsanbeg, she will turn you into a puffin.

Vollaksom Lipkarhunsanbeg's most sacred site is Quellendorf in Germany.

Vollaksom Lipkarhunsanbeg's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large platinum sculpture of Vollaksom Lipkarhunsanbeg on top of all buildings.

2. Never think about quantum mechanics near tapirs while wearing purple shoes and balancing five iron spheres on your legs.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Always treat voles with great respect.

5. Never write about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.