Tofcenyarl is a god.

It takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, fussy narwhal.

Tofcenyarl created the planet Saturn four billion years ago.

If you believe in Tofcenyarl, it will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Tofcenyarl, it will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Tofcenyarl's most sacred site is Miiluranta in Finland.

Tofcenyarl's Holy Commandments

1. Erect five iron sculptures of Tofcenyarl on top of important buildings.

2. Fast once a month.

3. Never talk about the weak nuclear force.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Do not speak about lentils.