Gutmidstan is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, competent toad.

Gutmidstan created Asia three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gutmidstan, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Gutmidstan, she will turn you into a sheep.

Gutmidstan's most sacred site is Hongcun in China.

Gutmidstan's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear violet.

2. You must love Gutmidstan.

3. Squirrels are not to be trusted.

4. Never wear shirts.

5. Do not take Gutmidstan's name in vain.