Gidpangvon is a god.

He takes the form of a small, idiotic walrus.

Gidpangvon created humankind six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gidpangvon, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Gidpangvon, he will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Gidpangvon's most sacred site is Sirama in Madagascar.

Gidpangvon's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Do not dye your hair orange.

3. Always treat sheep with great respect.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Hide if seven seals approach from the north.