Zigsanzig is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, humorless lobster.

Zigsanzig created viruses nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Zigsanzig, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Zigsanzig, he will send you a sign.

Zigsanzig's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Zigsanzig's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Do not run in public.

3. Draw representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling space.

4. Never mention tapirs.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.