Bonkdambomfutwipzag is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, slow goblin.

Bonkdambomfutwipzag created life eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bonkdambomfutwipzag, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Bonkdambomfutwipzag, he will laugh at you.

Bonkdambomfutwipzag's most sacred site is Karikalampakkam in India.

Bonkdambomfutwipzag's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt capybaras.

2. Hide from orange voles for they are unholy.

3. Do not kill mice.

4. Erect a giant silver sculpture of Bonkdambomfutwipzag in the centre of the settlement.

5. Never think about ultrasonics near porpoises while wearing gray rings and balancing four nickel spheres on your neck.