Gesskopliksasvolhun is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, self-confident seal.

Gesskopliksasvolhun created the planet Saturn two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gesskopliksasvolhun, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Gesskopliksasvolhun, she will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Gesskopliksasvolhun's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Gesskopliksasvolhun's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about black holes.

2. Gesskopliksasvolhun loves turtles, so they must be honoured.

3. Never hurt foxes.

4. Always wear violet.

5. Never mention seals.