Cusstigfarnvonkyarllighas Gigruttdav is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, vain shark.

Cusstigfarnvonkyarllighas Gigruttdav created the planet Jupiter four billion years ago.

If you believe in Cusstigfarnvonkyarllighas Gigruttdav, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Cusstigfarnvonkyarllighas Gigruttdav, she will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Cusstigfarnvonkyarllighas Gigruttdav's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Cusstigfarnvonkyarllighas Gigruttdav's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair red.

2. Never think about stars.

3. Never talk about gravity near moths while wearing blue shirts.

4. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

5. Do not speak about turnips.