Ratlenhit Jarnkadmum is a god.

It takes the form of a rotund, awesome tapir.

Ratlenhit Jarnkadmum created oxygen three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Ratlenhit Jarnkadmum, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Ratlenhit Jarnkadmum, it will turn you into a frog.

Ratlenhit Jarnkadmum's most sacred site is Gorslas in Wales.

Ratlenhit Jarnkadmum's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about foxes.

2. Do not drink alcohol.

3. Always make sure there are no geese in a room before entering it.

4. Never hop in the presence of manatees.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.