Quampanpon is a god.

She takes the form of a very thin, capable zebra.

Quampanpon created the solar system six million years ago.

If you believe in Quampanpon, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Quampanpon, she will turn you into a blue tit.

Quampanpon's most sacred site is Auvillar in France.

Quampanpon's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Always pray immersed in water.