Hapxenwodbarnarngepkab is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, narcissistic dryad.

Hapxenwodbarnarngepkab created an electron five billion years ago.

If you believe in Hapxenwodbarnarngepkab, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Hapxenwodbarnarngepkab, it will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Hapxenwodbarnarngepkab's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Hapxenwodbarnarngepkab's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant gray sculpture of Hapxenwodbarnarngepkab in the centre of the settlement.

2. Never talk about porpoises.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of iron.

4. Never feed lots of bananas to ants while wearing fawn shorts.

5. Never run near shrews.