Basthaktan is a god.

He takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, all-knowing unicorn.

Basthaktan created time and space three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Basthaktan, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Basthaktan, he will be very unhappy.

Basthaktan's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Basthaktan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not keep four nematodes in a large pit.

2. Never write about ultrasonics.

3. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

4. Never paint your feet orange.

5. Do not wear indigo clothing.