Quamlenfag is a god.

It takes the form of a small, tiresome crane.

Quamlenfag created a top quark nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Quamlenfag, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Quamlenfag, it will turn you into a mole.

Quamlenfag's most sacred site is Quenstedt in Germany.

Quamlenfag's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Do not drink water in pink rooms.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Quamlenfag.

5. Do not trade with those who eat cherries.