Rankabnak is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely small, happy monkey.

Rankabnak created energy five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Rankabnak, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Rankabnak, it will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Rankabnak's most sacred site is Rautio in Finland.

Rankabnak's Holy Commandments

1. Do not covet oxen.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Do not laugh in public.

4. Never think about quantum mechanics near pigs while wearing purple corsets and balancing seven silicon spheres on your chest.

5. Feed all hungry squirrels.