Damstiphampark is a god.

She takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, amazing seal.

Damstiphampark created carbon four billion years ago.

If you believe in Damstiphampark, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Damstiphampark, she will turn you into a snail.

Damstiphampark's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Damstiphampark's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat corn.

2. Never hurt swans.

3. Always treat birds with great respect.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Do not shave your head.