Xemkarcud is a god.

He takes the form of a four thousand metre long, caring whale.

Xemkarcud created snails eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Xemkarcud, he will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Xemkarcud, he will turn you into a giant snail.

Xemkarcud's most sacred site is Tatul in Bulgaria.

Xemkarcud's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about galaxies.

2. Pray towards the north.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Never talk about fluid mechanics near grasshopers while wearing mauve stockings and balancing five aluminium spheres on your arms.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.