Tailzogbab Faglanpit is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, witty gorilla.

Tailzogbab Faglanpit created time and space eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tailzogbab Faglanpit, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Tailzogbab Faglanpit, she will have a low opinion of you.

Tailzogbab Faglanpit's most sacred site is Aimala in Finland.

Tailzogbab Faglanpit's Holy Commandments

1. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of copper.

3. Walk at least six thousand metres per day.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Tailzogbab Faglanpit.