Sasmiptan is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, grumpy bear.

Sasmiptan created a strange quark eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Sasmiptan, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Sasmiptan, he will destroy your home planet.

Sasmiptan's most sacred site is Nanjie in China.

Sasmiptan's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray immersed in water.

2. Never sprint near monkeys.

3. Draw representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling space.

4. Run away from red sharks, for they are unholy.

5. Never think about special relativity.