Fondinran Wadbepvid is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, humane troll.

Fondinran Wadbepvid created Mount Everest eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Fondinran Wadbepvid, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Fondinran Wadbepvid, he will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Fondinran Wadbepvid's most sacred site is Littoinen in Finland.

Fondinran Wadbepvid's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no nematodes in a room before entering it.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Fondinran Wadbepvid.

3. Ducks are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Always obey Fondinran Wadbepvid's priests.