Kamtailpig is a god.

She takes the form of a very large, fast jaguar.

Kamtailpig created vertebrates eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kamtailpig, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Kamtailpig, she will turn you into a snail.

Kamtailpig's most sacred site is Cuandixia in China.

Kamtailpig's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Kamtailpig.

2. Always treat badgers with great respect.

3. Never write about nucleic acids.

4. Always make sure there are no horses in a room before entering it.

5. Never play with disobedient children.