Lap is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, charitable frog.

Lap created Europe nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lap, she will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Lap, she will turn you into a worm.

Lap's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Lap's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about spacetime near squirrels while wearing brown scarves and balancing four carbon spheres on your hands.

2. Do not laugh in public.

3. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

4. You must pray to Lap eight times a day.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.