Vagyimvad is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, unfair raccoon.

Vagyimvad created a top quark four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vagyimvad, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Vagyimvad, she will turn you into a mole.

Vagyimvad's most sacred site is Miiluranta in Finland.

Vagyimvad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to music.

2. Always treat seals with great respect.

3. Never talk about tapirs.

4. Erect a giant blue sculpture of Vagyimvad in the centre of the settlement.

5. Pray towards the north.