Jatfudarn is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, two-faced gerbil.

Jatfudarn created Europe three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jatfudarn, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Jatfudarn, she will make you grow a tail.

Jatfudarn's most sacred site is Yongding in China.

Jatfudarn's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention mites.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Do not covet oxen.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Rats are unholy and should not be approached.