Banarmveen is a god.

She takes the form of an one thousand metre long, kind fish.

Banarmveen created an up quark five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Banarmveen, she will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Banarmveen, she will turn you into an amoeba.

Banarmveen's most sacred site is Zhelaizhai in China.

Banarmveen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Never wear trousers.

3. Erect a giant aluminium sculpture of Banarmveen in the centre of the settlement.

4. Never go into brown rooms.

5. Do not stand on grass.