Omtcubpad is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, unselfish crab.

Omtcubpad created light eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Omtcubpad, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Omtcubpad, she will attempt to scare you with lightening.

Omtcubpad's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Omtcubpad's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. You must never eat limes.

3. Never eat green fruit.

4. Worship no other gods but Omtcubpad.

5. Tapirs are unholy and should not be approached.