Padlophin is a god.

She takes the form of a very long, witless jaguar.

Padlophin created the universe five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Padlophin, she will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Padlophin, she will torture you forever.

Padlophin's most sacred site is Brancion in France.

Padlophin's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate aardvarks.

2. Never talk about black holes.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Grasshopers are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Never think about nebulae.