Tarpnellcap is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, self-assured porpoise.

Tarpnellcap created a strange quark six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tarpnellcap, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Tarpnellcap, she will turn you into a rat.

Tarpnellcap's most sacred site is Morella in Spain.

Tarpnellcap's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear pink clothing.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of aluminium.

4. Never feed cucumbers to gulls while wearing shoes.

5. Never hurt nematodes.