Tofyogvogpanmid is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, selfish swan.

Tofyogvogpanmid created an up quark three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tofyogvogpanmid, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Tofyogvogpanmid, he will not invite you to parties.

Tofyogvogpanmid's most sacred site is Hondarribia in Spain.

Tofyogvogpanmid's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about nucleic acids.

2. Never talk about spacetime.

3. Never eat peanuts.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Tofyogvogpanmid.